Understanding The Teen & Their Brain
Just when you think you have figured this parenting thing out and you feel like you are starting to really understand your child, puberty hits and all of a sudden you have a teen who seems to have changed how they think, talk and behave overnight.
As they get older we feel that they should be able to rationally talk through issues, understand consequences, and become more emotionally mature, but often it feels like the complete opposite happens and as parents we can start to feel a little lost, confused and sometimes like we are failing as we butt heads with and observe the impulsive behaviours of our teens.
The good news is, there is a logical answer for all of this, with a large portion being due to biological changes. Let’s get a better understanding of your teen and the changes that are happening in their body and brain that might be contributing to their behaviour and mood. Let’s start from the start…
Puberty:
I bet you thought you had more time up your sleeve before your pre-teen started going down the rabbit hole of puberty, teenage behaviour and mood didn’t you?
Puberty begins with the brain send signals to the gonads (testicles and ovaries) to release sex hormones into the body. Generally this will happen:
In females: 10 – 11 years old (yo) but can start as early as 8yo and as late as 13yo
In males: 11- 12yo but can start as early as 9yo and as late as 14yo
Physical changes will become apparent such as the development and growth of external genitals, changes in body shape, hair growth in pubic area’s (under arms, vulva, scrotum etc) and so on. Other physical changes that are not so obvious include:
Growth and development of bones, organs and body systems
Increase in physical strength
Weight fluctuations -your teen may gain weight just before a growth spurt then thin out after the growth spurt
Growth of second and third molars (also known as wisdom teeth)
Changes to skin and hair due to increase oil production. Hair can also darken with changes to hormones.
Sweat and body odour changes
Changes to brain – let’s focus on this last one a little more.
The teen brain:
There is an intensive remodelling that happens within the brain during adolescence (from 10-19yo). Unused connections in the thinking and processing part of the brain known as grey matter are remodelled making way for the rapid increase of connections between brain cells while making and strengthening other connections, this is based off the ‘use it or lose it’ principal. These brain changes begin in the back of the brain. The front of the brain or the pre-frontal cortex is remodelled last.
This is good to know as the pre-frontal cortex is the decision making part of the brain, enabling us to, consider consequences of actions, solve problems and control impulses. While the pre-frontal cortex is remodelling our teens rely on a specific region of the brain called the amygdala which helps us make decisions and solve problems. The catch is the amygdala is our stress detector, the freeze-fight-flight part of the brain which is associated with emotions, impulses, aggression and instinctive behaviour. The amygdala is connected to parts of the brain that control our sense of smell and memory. Using this information the amygdala relies on sensory information from our external and internal environment and is stimulated when faced with a perceived threat which makes it more reactive.
So, not only are the parts of our teens brain that control reasoning and helps them think before they act in a sort of holding pattern while that part of the brain remodels, they are relying on the part of the brain that is constantly on the lookout for threat. This coupled with the increased influxes of hormones such as adrenal stress hormones, sex hormones and growth hormones sending even more sensory information to the amygdala it’s no wonder our teens easily become overwhelmed and confused.
All these changes means our teens are more likely to:
Act on impulse
Misread or misinterpret social and emotional cues
Become easily agitated or sad for no apparent reason
Engage in risky or dangerous behaviour
And less likely to:
Think before they act
Consider consequences of their actions
Easily shift to dangerous or inappropriate behaviours
I know this all sounds like a lot, and a bit like there is not much we can do when it comes to our teens emotions and behaviours however, knowledge is power! Our teen still knows the difference between right and wrong and this can be strengthened by being held accountable for their actions, both good and bad.
What you can do:
Supporting the healthy development of your teens brain is easier than you think. There are specific nutrients you can provide through food as medicine to support optimal growth, development and function of your teens brain and body. The way your teen spends their time and their environment also plays a big role in the development of their brain. Things you can do are:
Engage in a range of activities that both use up energy, connect with other like minded people and bring them joy.
Allow down time and rest time! Even though engaging in activities is important, it is just as important to have down time from the stimulation and sensory overload that can come from these activities
Let them sleep! Adolescent’s require 9-91/2 hours of sleep to support their brain and body remodelling. Sleep is the time where we all integrate, heal and rejuvenate.
Be the role model. Encourage positive behaviour and promote good thinking skills by practicing this yourself. Sometimes it can be helpful to have a casual conversation over dinner about a challenge you over came and the process that went into that
Give them space to grow. Allow your teen to make decision and explore some more grown up behaviours eg, catching up with a friend at a café or seeing a movie without an adult, going into the supermarket to buy a few items by themselves. Start off with small things and short lengths of time then slowly build up
Take a deep breath and support them when they make a mistake. I know we just want to protect them but sometimes not letting them make safe mistakes can hold them back. Be gentle with them and yourself, remind yourself that you made mistakes too. Take them through the issue step by step and troubleshoot with them about where they may have gone wrong. They still need to be held accountable, but this can be done in a safe space. If they feel safe and supported at these times they are more likely to come to you with problems in the future. Discuss how the situation effects them, the people around them and how it makes you feel.
Find ways to feel and express feelings in a healthy way. Remind them emotions and feeling are normal and ok. When angry or frustrated head bang to some metal music or go for a run. When sad paint or hug a pet if they are not ready to talk.
Make a family routine, we all thrive with routine!
Provide clear boundaries with opportunity for negotiation. Boundaries give guidance and sets limits, while negotiation is opportunity to practice more ‘grown up’ skills.
Stay connected. Have some one-on-one time with your teen and allow for open and honest conversation. Sometimes you will hear things you don’t love, but creating that safe space for open and honest communication is well worth it.
Be the adult- don’t engage. I know it is really hard when your teen has pushed all of your buttons, but refrain from yelling, using demeaning or abusive language and actions in the heat of the moment. If you need to remove yourself to calm down let them know that is what you are doing and let them know you will be back to discuss. This also teaches them to do the same.
Give yourself some care. This may look like seeing your health practitioner to support you through stressful times with nutrients and herbs or seeing a psychologist to work on your own stuff, either way you cannot take care of your teen if you don’t take care of yourself! Also, this comes back to being the role model
Get extra support. If you have tried all of these things, or even if you haven’t, getting you teens to speak to someone (councillor or psychologist), see a naturopath to support optimal growth and development from a wholistic point of view will only enhance their (and your) teen experience. Speaking from experience, sometimes our teens need to hear the same information from us and someone else before they take our advise.
Finally just remember you have got this teen parent. It will get easier, it will get better and before you know it you will be counselling them as they navigate their own experience of being a parent of teens!
References:
American academy of child and adolescent psychiatry (2017), Teen brain: behaviour, problem solving, and decision making, viewed February 2023 https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/The-Teen-Brain-Behavior-Problem-Solving-and-Decision-Making-095.aspx
Harvard health publishing, Harvard medical school (2011), The adolescent brain:beond raging hormones, viewed February 2023, https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-adolescent-brain-beyond-raging-hormones
Johns Hopkins medicine (2023), Teenages and sleep; how much sleep is enough, viewed February 2023, https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/teenagers-and-sleep-how-much-sleep-is-enough
Raising children.net.au the Australian parenting website (2021) Physical changes in puberty. viewed February 2023. https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/puberty-sexual-development/physical-changes-in-puberty
Raising children.net.au the Australian parenting website (2021), Brain development in pre-teens and teenagers
World health organisation (2023) adolescent health, viewed February 2023. https://www.who.int/health-topics/adolescent-health#tab=tab_1